


Auntie Dearest

by Kaoru_chibimaster



Series: He Who Makes No Sense [8]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Family, M/M, family i guess?, what do i even tag this as?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 11:40:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11485656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaoru_chibimaster/pseuds/Kaoru_chibimaster
Summary: How's everyone back home?





	Auntie Dearest

**Author's Note:**

> A small bit of backstory hinted at for Vanitas. Would you believe I have backgrounds written out for all of the characters but have yet to actually explore them in this series?  
> Of course you wouldn’t, because these oneshots are all dumb.

Vanitas couldn’t believe it.

His entire weekend…all his plans… Ruined.

All because dear Auntie Hikari wanted to fly in to Twilight Town to visit her “baby boys”.

Gross.

Not that he’d really had all that much planned either way, but still. All that time he could’ve spent not having to be at his job…or be outside in general…or wear pants. Hell, Ven had the weekend off. They could’ve been ruining their mattress together. Or the couch cushions. Sometimes they didn’t make it to the bed, usually because Vanitas was impatient. Ven generally stopped complaining about it once Vanitas pulled his clothes off. Usually.

But no. Instead he’s sitting at a damn café with his doofus cousin and his cousin’s nutjob mother. He didn’t remember his own mother being that crazy. Hopefully that meant the insanity wasn’t genetic.

So far she hadn’t said anything too out there. The typical bear hugs that Vanitas had long since stopped trying to squirm out of, the badgering about their health and living arrangements, and the insistence that no one pay for her because ‘she was a grown woman and made her own money’ or some such, were all part of her typical faire.

That wouldn’t last long.

“Sora, I swear you and Riku have been practically married since you were both in diapers. Where are my grandkids?”

And there it was.

Vanitas watched, mildly entertained, as Sora groaned and smacked his forehead into the table. He’d enjoy this moment for what it was because he knew she’d be grilling him next.

“Mom I told you, we don’t want kids,” he whined, though his voice was muffled by the plastic.

“Unbelievable. At this rate, I’ll never have grandchildren. You know your older sister told me the same thing? Some nonsense like how children would interfere with her dream! I can’t imagine what that would be, considering she’s shown no signs of pursuing any dream whatsoever!”

Hence why no one liked talking about Sora’s older sister. Some would call her flighty, but really all she did was slink around the islands doing illegal crap and looking down on anyone who didn’t approve. Vanitas personally despised her. One of the few things he and Sora agreed on. And no one even had to bring Sora’s younger brother into the conversation, considering he was only five.

“Wait for Hoshi to grow up and then hound him over grandkids.”

Well, okay, Sora would bring his younger brother into the conversation. If only to say something like that, which they both knew would only make it worse.

“You’re telling me to wait that long before I get to hold grandbabies in my arms?”

Aunt Hikari then turned her disapproving frown on Vanitas.

Look what you’ve done, Sora. Goddamnit.

“Don’t even look at me, I sure as hell don’t want kids,” Vanitas quickly shot his aunt down.

“Well, have you talked to Ventus about it? Maybe he wants kids?”

“He’s got plenty of them. He works at a damn dojo teaching the little snots how to throw a punch,” Vanitas shrugged. Aunt Hikari huffed.

“That’s not the same! I can’t cuddle and spoil _other people’s_ grandkids…”

Sora sat up suddenly, smacking his hands on the table’s surface.

“Change of subject mom! How’s everyone back home?”

Aunt Hikari took the bait, though judging by her amused chuckle, she knew exactly what her son was trying to pull.

“They’d be a lot better if they saw you both more than twice a year.”

“Hey, at least I do visit,” Sora pouted, sending an obvious glance Vanitas’ way.

“That doesn’t work on me, I hate those fuckin’ people.”

“ _Vanitas!_ ” Aunt Hikari snapped.

“Sorry. I hate those friggin people.”

Both Vanitas’ aunt and cousin, in a familiar show of similarity, rolled their eyes in tandem at his response. He wasn’t sure what the drama was for, after all it wasn’t like he kept it a secret. Most of his cousins didn’t bother with him. His aunt felt some weird obligation to him, probably because he’s the son of her wayward twin sister, but he doubted she’d have put up with him much otherwise. He was willing to bet she was glad he never met her youngest son in person. It might’ve saved him from the ‘corruption’ or whatever the hell people thought Vanitas did.

“To answer your question,” Aunt Hikari sighed, facing back towards Sora. “It’s not exactly peaches and cream back home. Ever since Aki and… _that man_ left, more family has been thinking of getting off of the island. And the younger kids are starting to wonder about it as well, ever since you, Riku and Kairi came here for college.”

“Can’t imagine why that’s a bad thing,” Vanitas said, picking at his ear. He was sure he was clear in showing his disinterest, but that only seemed to egg Aunt Hikari on.

“Maybe because not all of them are financially stable enough to make that move? Maybe because a bunch of fishermen and small town craftsmen would have a hard time finding city jobs with those sorts of skills? Maybe because those children don’t know how to handle big, overpopulated areas?” Aunt Hikari sighed.

“Well me, Riku and Kairi turned out fine,” Sora shrugged. “And before you say what I think you will, Kairi doesn’t remember much of her life in RG.”

Aunt Hikari huffed, placing her chin in her hand and staring, disgruntled, at her son.

“Sora, when you picked me up from the airport, late might I add, you had to ask directions to get back to your own apartment.”

Vanitas snorted, not even caring when a flushing Sora punched him in the shoulder. That was too good. Day brightened considerably.

“Shut up Van! Look mom, it’s not like I’m at the airport all the time!” Sora protested, slumping down into his chair as if hoping it would swallow him up. No such luck. No one escapes being clowned by their own mother.

Well, except for Vanitas. But he doubted she’d have let him off the hook were she still there. She was well-known for being scathingly sarcastic at times.

“Sora,” Aunt Hikari held up a hand, shaking her head. “My point still stands. It’s worrisome that so much family suddenly wants to leave the islands, completely unprepared for what’s beyond. I’m glad that you’re doing well here, but you understand how worried I was when even you three left. I was at the very least thankful you decided to live in the same area as your cousin. Having family close helps a lot.”

Sora’s expression described just how thrilled he was to be living close to Vanitas, but Vanitas didn’t really see the issue. It wasn’t like he bothered his cousin much. Hell, his boyfriend saw his cousin more often than he did.

Begrudgingly, he had to admit though…Aunt Hikari had a point. A lot of people move into Twilight Town for its less expensive but still high tier university. The amount of chaos all of the incoming new students caused made having connections a necessity. That first year the island kids had moved into town had been the most he’d seen of them…mostly because they kept asking him and Ven where they were supposed to be going. Anywhere they were going. It had quickly grown irritating. No wonder everyone kept pointing out how grumpy he was that year.

“If it helps,” Vanitas added, “Which it probably doesn’t because this is the dipstick we’re talking about here—”

“Hey!”

“He acclimated pretty quickly to the city. Him and the other two.” Mostly the other two.

“That’s comforting enough Vani, but it doesn’t help much with the rest of the family.”

“The rest of them are idiots, so I don’t really care what they do.”

Aunt Hikari shot Vanitas a warning glare, clearly starting to become fed up with the attitude. Vanitas only shrugged. Was he unnecessarily vitriolic? Yes. Did he give a damn? No. He wasn’t going to change for those people; they never even liked him in the beginning, when he’d done nothing wrong.

“Okaaaay. New topic,” Sora said, looking between his mother and his cousin warily, hoping to diffuse the potential bomb before it exploded. That wouldn’t have been pretty. They were out in public after all.

“How’s Hoshi been doing in summercamp?”

Aunt Hikari lit up, proceeding to gush about her five year old’s day to day activities. Vanitas couldn’t for the life of him understand why the most mundane tasks that kid set himself to warranted such enthusiasm, but he supposed only another parent would understand. He found his thoughts straying to the grandkids discussion. In truth he was sure Ven wouldn’t mind having a little tyke around either way, but personally the thought was revolting to Vanitas. The idea of kids was all sparkly and shiny to those who never realized how much work actually went into it. They’d have to be fed every day, dressed every day, cleaned every day and trained not to poop on the carpet. Kinda like a pet, but way more expensive. And they usually lasted way longer. And all the while they had to be cared for and doted on so that they didn’t turn out like Vanitas, unable to have a conversation with his own father that didn’t involve crooked business and exploitation of some sort.

Oh yuck, now he was getting too deep into his own shit. He’d stop that train of thought in its tracks.

“Vani, why are you all spaced out over there? I didn’t ask you to join us so you could be shut out,” Aunt Hikari quipped, her expression back to its usual open friendliness.

“He’s probably contemplating ways to gut his enemies,” Sora jabbed, smirking. He thus earned the returning punch to his own shoulder. Which he whined about, of course.

“ _Mom_ , Van hit me!”

“You were asking for that one,” Aunt Hikari laughed. Even more so when Sora started pouting.

Okay, Vanitas couldn’t lie to himself. He might’ve cracked a small grin as well.

He really hated being around these overly happy people. They always caught him off guard.

“Now Vani,” Aunt Hikari intoned, her smile waning as her expression morphed into something more cynically amused. Vanitas raised an eyebrow at her.

“What?”

“Vani, I want you to answer me truthfully.”

“ _What?_ ”

“What is this nonsense I’d heard about you kidnapping someone on Valentine’s Day?”

…Fuck.

-o-o-o-o-

When the front door slammed open, Ven jumped a bit, only barely catching his sandwich after it had flown out of his hands. Thankfully, there was nothing in his mouth or he might’ve started choking too. That wouldn’t have been too swell. Instead, his brow creased with worry as he set the sandwich down and stood, peeking out of the kitchen to find Vanitas slamming the door closed again. Ven padded over to him, holding a hand out in hopes of comforting Vanitas after…whatever made him angry happened.

“Van, what’s wro—”

Well apparently he wasn’t all that angry, as he’d turned on his heel, grabbed Ventus’ hand and nearly smashed their faces together. Ven’s eyes hadn’t closed during the kiss (at least, that’s what he guessed it was supposed to be…maybe if the teeth-knocking was subtracted from the equation); instead he was staring at Vanitas in utter confusion. Did this mean the outing went…well?

He pulled back slightly. “What’s got you all excited?”

“My aunt brainwashed me into providing her with ‘grandchildren’ and now we must make babies,” Vanitas answered, completely straight-faced. Ven stared at him for a moment, unsure where the joke was in this.

Wait…

No, okay now Vanitas was starting to smirk. Ven rolled his eyes.

“Ha ha. No, seriously, is everything alright? How’d it go with your aunt?”

“She was annoying as usual. Stop worrying about her, you’ll get to meet up with her soon anyway. She’s here for a week.”

Van’s smirk grew as his fingers trailed up Ven’s sides, pushing the fabric of his shirt up with them.

“For now, I just wanna focus on us.”

Both of Ven’s eyebrows raised. That outing must’ve gone _really_ well.

He hadn’t had the chance to ask about it however, as Vanitas kissed him again. Not that Ven minded the enthusiasm. He didn’t always have the weekends off and his more intimate moments with his boyfriend tended to suffer as a result of their often clashing schedules. Therefore he put up no resistance when Vanitas slowly walked him backwards, a steadying hand behind his back as he pushed Ven down onto…

“Van, c’mon, really? The couch?”

**Author's Note:**

> PSA: Couches are usually not very comfortable for much other than sitting.


End file.
